I First Discovered Islam By Accident

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USA - "Never have I felt this passionately about something"

Well for starters my name is Amber. I live in Illinois, about two hours away from Chicago. My mom's side of the family is Christian and my dad's side does not believe in god what-so-ever. I have two brothers and a sister. My brothers are 7 and 8 and my sister is 6.

I first discovered Islam by accident really... You see, I want to be a civil rights lawyer/attorney when I get older and I thought there was no better time then the present to become more cultured about other peoples lives. I started reading up on them but Islam really caught my eye. I started reading up constantly on it and really didn't pay much attention to the other two religions that I was researching. It amazed me because never have I felt this passionately about something. Even if I already knew something about Islam, and someone wanted to tell me about it like I didn't know, it would still be as interesting as the first time I was learning it. I know that doesn't sound like a big deal but knowledge came so easy to me about Islam. I didn't have to work to learn...which is pretty unusual for me.

I have tried talking to my mom about it actually. About a month ago I sat her down and told her that I was very interested in Islam and that I wanted to learn more about it. She thought it was a good idea, not knowing that I wanted to do more than just learn about Islam, I wanted to convert. When I mentioned converting she got very defensive and walked away. I asked her if she would hate me if I did convert and she said nothing...

Now, I have to dedicate a whole paragraph to my step dad because then you will realize why it is so hard for me to practice the religion I love. My step dad comes from a family of "Gung-Ho" Christians. His grandfather was a pastor and so was his father. A lot of men in his family are men of the church and the woman are very involved in the ministries also. His father died when he was only 6 years old (don't quote me on that...either 6 or 7) so it has always been a very shady subject. He loves Jesus and if you don't too, well, then too darn bad. My mom talked to him about and by what she tells me he got very angry. Ever since then he really hasn't talked to me and is very short if he does (even though this doesn't bother me because I don't really have a relationship with him or anything). After she told my step dad, my mom came up to me and told me that she would try and be more accepting but she doesn't know how much she can take. She also said (like before) that my step dad was angry. I got scared and said that I was just trying to learn about Islam and wasn't really doing to convert...which I think was actually a good idea because if this would have got around to my family my life would be hell....

I've thought about talking to my grandma and/or my dad but I know they would take it just as my mom did, or even worse. The only person I have talked to about it is my best friend Jessica. She said no matter what I did she would always be my friend, so thank Allah for her.

School has also come to mind many times when thinking of ways to be social about my religion but it's simply too difficult. No one at my school wears hijabs or anything so it's not really obvious who is and who isn't a Muslim. When I talked to people online they said that pretty much anyone Pakistani would be Muslim but how can I be sure? I don't want to make such an obvious generalization about someone and then have it turn out that they aren’t Muslim.

I looked into visiting a Mosque ( and I want to very very very badly ) but again, it really doesn't seem like a possibility. Number one, I don't have a ride so even if I did have permission no one would take me. Number two...I don't have permission lol. Some people I have talked to online said I should go behind my moms back and visit a Mosque but I wouldn't feel right doing that....I know it would come back and haunt me.

As for practicing Islam in my daily life....I do as much as I can, though I fear I could try harder. When I first started praying, about a month ago, I actually used two long sleeved shirts to cover my head and neck...it's sad, I know lol, but it was all I knew. I still pray wrong (because the prayers are complicated!!) but I try. I don't really know what to say either so most of the time I just talk to Allah from my point of view. Which isn't right, I know, but what else can I do? ( See...this is why I need to go to a Mosque lol )

That is not all of my story but it is all my poor fingers can handle at the time being so I will write later.

Amber

source: the true religion

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